Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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