Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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