I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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