I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
