Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
