so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
