Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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