Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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