Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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