It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
