A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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