theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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