i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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