We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
