I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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