hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Randomize
