I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She bit a glass in half.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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