At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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