He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
