I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
