If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You had me at "let me see your balls"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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