i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
