office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
