I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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