it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
