Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
