Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
