wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
