Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
