were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Your cock deserves a montage
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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