I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
