i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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