Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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