This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
