I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
