Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
