Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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