im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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