What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
