you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
