i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
