His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize