1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
