am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
