i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
