your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
