my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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