wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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