Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
