i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
