fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
