You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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