Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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