Michael Bay diarrhea
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
