Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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