It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
