Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
