I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
