she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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