i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
