it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize