i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
