3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he was CRYING into my vagina
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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