Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
