Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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