I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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