All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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